What to order

In American and Australian wines avoid Cabernet Sauvignon and Chardonnay (Merlot almost makes it in this list as well). Zinfandel (the real red stuff) and Syrah are good bets for red American wines. Sauvignon Blanc and Chenin Blanc for American whites. The same goes for Australian, except no Zinfandel , and they call Syrah: Shiraz. Pinot Noir is my favorite grape, alas it is difficult to grow and produce, so there are to many less than stunning examples available. If you love Pinot (like me) or you want to avail yourself of its fabulous food pairing qualities, look for a Central Coast of California (incl. Santa Maria, Edna and Santa Ynez Valleys as well as Santa Barbara County).

For French wines look towards the Rhone for reds, and Alsace or Loire for whites. Avoid Burgundy unless you are confident of the choices available. If you want a bottle of red Bordeaux but don't want the costly wines of the Medoc, look to St. Emilion and Pomerol. The newest trend in French wines are inexpensive Varieties such as Merlot and Viognier from the south. These 2 varieties, Merlot and Viognier are the best bets.

Italian wine is huge in its diversity, and yet an equally huge number of the whites are made from the grape Trebianno. Italian wine is best enjoyed light and young, full of life. If you want to save your pocketbook, avoid the trend of pricey Italian wines. If money is less of an issue for you, concentrate on the Super-Tuscan wines.

Spain is an ocean of well priced wine; however most of it is sold in bulk through out Europe. Rioja, both red and white has been on an upward spiral of quality. When you see one of these wines, chances are you will enjoy both the style and the price.

Champagne / Sparkling Wine is an area that the wine steward can easily get carried away, don't let him (or her). Watch out for the famous Dom Perignon and Cristal Champagnes. I will hear about it for saying this, but these 2 prestige wines are made in a quantity that makes it difficult to create a quality product (enough tact?). If you are in a spending mood, try Taittinger's Comte de Champagne instead of Dom Perignon and Charbaut Certificate (hard to find in many restaurants) instead of Cristal. If you really want the real thing, and money is no object, try Krug or Salon.

In the less pricey range Taittinger is again a perennial favorite with La Francaise, but the hands down winner is Veuve Cliquot Yellow Label. In US sparkling Domaine Carneros (from Taittinger, again) and Roderer Estate (from the makers of Cristal) are good bets.

While far from a comprehensive list, this should give you a good direction to steer through any wine list.

What to do when the bottle comes

First make sure that the bottle is still sealed. In Europe and some European restaurants it is not uncommon for the wine to come open. Unless it is a very inexpensive wine, send it back and ask for a corked bottle.

Next check the label to make sure it is what you ordered, pay particular attention to the vintage date and the vineyard if one was specified. If the vintage or vineyard is wrong, ask for the correct bottle. In the likely event they don't have the bottle you ordered, make sure you are happy with the price and selection before you approve the bottle; otherwise, reorder.

What to do with the cork

After you have gotten through the ordering, your wine is presented, and you are faced with another dilemma... what to do with the cork when it is placed in front of you. The answer is simple, at all costs, ignore it. It tells you nothing, the taste of wine tells you everything.

How to taste the wine, and what you are looking for

You survived the cork test, and the wine steward is eying you with expectation as the taste of wine is poured.

To start with look at it. Send it back if it is cloudy or full of particles (not just a few small pieces of cork or crystals from the cork [these crystals in white wine are not glass, and are harmless, and may even be a sign of quality). If it is an old wine, it should have been (and now should be) decanted. If it was a young wine, it has problems. Even if the wine specifically says unfiltered on the label, this is not a license to poorly make wine. Try a different wine, not a different bottle.

If the wine is clear, move on to swirling the wine in the glass. To do this place two fingers on either side of the stem, on the base of the glass, and make small circles while the glass is on the table. Practice this at home with water, and you will slop (less) red wine out of your glass when it counts.

After the swirl, and while the wine is still moving, comes the sniff. Take a good whiff of the wine. Smelling wine is an art form, all you are looking for here is off odors. Watch out for these smells: Wet Cardboard, Vinegar, Wet Dog, Sour Milk, Cooking Cabbage or rubber. None of these are good. If the smell is slight, swirl the wine a few times and smell again. If the smell persists and is not too bad, taste the wine, if the wine tastes fine, tell the steward that the wine smells off ,and you would like to either send it back, or if he has time, he can try to decant it (quickly with lots of chugging) in the hopes it gets better. If the smell is strong, send it back.

Wet Cardboard is the most common off smell. It is a slightly moldy smell as well. It is hard to describe, but it means the wine is "corked". The is the result of a bad cork (due to the finishing process) and it happens to 1 out of 40 bottles or so. If this is the smell, another bottle of the same wine is likely to be fine.

Ok, it has gotten past your eyes and nose, now you can taste the wine. Truthfully if the wine has passed the first 2 tests, it is unlikely to taste bad.

If you don't like the taste of the wine and it:

Tastes actually bad - send it back (unless you just brushed your teeth recently, try a bite of bread).

Is a wine you choose on your own - write it off to experience, and hope it gets better.

Is a wine the steward recommended - let the steward know at once before you drink any of the wine. If the steward does nothing to make good, don't go back to the restaurant.

Tasting Champagne and Sparkling Wines

Few wine stewards know this, and fewer customers. You do not taste sparkling wines. The premise is that it either has bubbles or not. If you are poured a taste, casually inspect the wine to make sure it looks bubbly before you accept. Don't drink the wine if you want to look like you really know what you are doing, and if the steward has been snotty in any way, you may scoff at the fact a taste was offered.

Above all else never pay for sparkling wine that is not served in a v shaped flute glass (especially avoid those flat glasses)

What about Breathing?

Breathing is a debatable practice, one that I don't subscribe to. No matter what side of the fence you fall on this one, few will argue that breathing is more likely to happen in the glass than in the bottle. If the wine has an off odor (or for some reason it is Italian) decanting may help the wine 'blow off' any bad odors, or just improve the wine.

What about Temperature?

White wine ice cold tastes like nothing. Unless it is a hugely powerful wine (like a Sauternes, dessert wine) keeping it too cold will ruin the wine. If you just really like ice cold wine (you are allowed to like anything at all) do yourself a favor, choose less expensive wines. Sparkling wine should be served cold, but avoid chilled glasses it makes the wine flat faster.

Watch out for how much wine is poured in your glass